merry christmas!

things are going to be lower case for this post, because i've got a sleeping baby in my lap.  i am starting to learn how to multi-task.

i was recently thinking about stuff i wish i had known before i gave birth, and i came up with a small list.
1.  cut your toenails and fingernails before you go to the hospital, if you can.  when you come home, you'll still be taking the prenatal vits, and your nails will start growing mightily fast, because the baby isn't taking all that calcium anymore, and you aren't going to feel energetic enough or sane enough to even cut your own nails!
2.  make sure you have a lot of thank you notes on hand.  the gifts don't stop after the shower, and you'll be grateful for everyone you get, so make sure you thank those people who send them.  write the thank you notes out promptly, so you don't forget.
3.  if you're planning to go out in public, and you want to wear make-up after the baby is born, if you think there is ANY chance you'll cry, just skip the mascara.  you'll be crying a lot more than you think you will.
4.  hire a doula.  they might seem expensive, and they aren't cheap, but after it's over, you would have paid them double or triple what they asked, if you'd known how much they'd help during the birth.
5.  if you plan to breastfeed, that's great, but if it isn't working, don't beat yourself up if you have to stop.  also, do yourself a favor, and try everything you can to make it work, and then if it doesn't, there won't be anything you could have done differently, and you you can look back and tell yourself you gave it your best shot.  if you plan to formula feed, don't let ANYONE (especially yourself) tell you you are less better at being that baby's mom, because that's bullshit.
6.  if a trusted adult wants to help you, let them.  you may think you know more about taking care of the baby than anyone else, and you may know more in some areas, but anyone can hold a baby while you take a nap or a shower.  don't try to do it all yourself.  don't listen to your crazed mind about this.
7.  i'm still trying to get the hang of this one:  housework is less important than time for yourself.  it will reach a critical mass, and then you can take care of it, but try to get some time for yourself.  you are going to need it to keep your wits about you.  i mean, get your wits back, because you'll feel crazy for about a month.
8.  buy adult diapers for yourself for after the delivery, when you come home.  i don't need to tell you why.  there are a few reasons, and you'll be glad you did.
9.  don't put a lot of stock into your "birth plan".  there are a lot of ways it can go.  i like to look back and reflect on something a friend told me once, Lisa B. - just believe in "whatever it takes".  the end result is the same, no matter how your birth story turns out.
10.  REACH OUT to friends.  you will feel isolated.  you'll NEED a girlfriend or two to help you get through it, and they don't have to have kids themselves.  one of the people who helped me the most is a person i hardly ever see and one who does not have kids herself.  she was persistent.  she wanted to see the baby, and she just kept asking until i made time for her, and that was one of the best visits i remember, because i needed a friend at that time.
11.  get paper plates for meals.  you aren't going to feel like washing dishes.

what you can do for a new mom:
1.  send her a present, too.  it doesn't have to be anything big, and it will mean a lot.  even cookies or apple cider is good.
2.  if a new mom sends you an email, make your response count.  take a little time, and tell her something nice.
3.  every new mom loves to hear that she looks good, because chances are, she doesn't feel the best about herself.
4.  forgive her if she is short with you or doesn't act like herself.  her old self will return eventually.
5.  don't be pushy, but try to see her if you have time.  call a couple of times, because she might not call back.  don't be pushy, though.
6.  if you have time, go over and do a little housework for her, or take her a meal.
7.  just let her know you care.

having a baby is hard, but it's also rewarding.  my grandmother told me that the things in life that are most worthwhile will require the most effort.  i think she is right.

My Ginger(?) Girl?

I think Freya is getting auburn hair.  I think she is going to be a ginger girl!

She went to the doctor on Tuesday, and she weighed 11-2.  That is the 68th %tile.  I don't get hung up on percentiles, because I worked at the WIC clinic and plotted on growth charts for years, but I think that is great - she was below the 10th %tile last time.  She also got shots, but she did really well with those.  She cried, and she looked really surprised when the needle went in - like questioning why we were doing something to her that caused pain.  I realized that she is probably one of the best cared for babies.  She gets to be with her mother at home for almost 15 weeks.  That is nine weeks longer than most babies get to have their mothers at home.  Her papa is also at home.  This is unusual for any American baby.  She wants for nothing, and she has wonderful people who shower her with love all the time.  People love seeing her when we go out in public, because she is a charmer.  So, she was very surprised indeed, when she got the shots!

She's smiling socially now, too.  She loves the morning, and that is when she is most smiley.  When she smiles at me, it is one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.

She's fussy in the evening, but that's pretty normal, from what I've read and heard.  She likes hip-hop music, and I carry her in the wrap mentioned in the last post, turn on the music and dance with her, and that calms her, and she will EVENTUALLY go to sleep.  Sometimes it takes a while, and my back gets tired, but it is better than a Fussy Freya.

We read books and talk to her all the time, and she is so smart - she is trying to talk to us, too.  She watches our mouths and tries to move her mouth in the same way we are moving ours when we talk.

Things are going well, but I think about when I have to go back to work, and the fact that she likes to get up at 4:30am.  Now, I can take a nap in the day, but I won't be able to do that when I go back to work!  Well, we still have time to work on it.

wrap-tastic!

I got this wrap from etsy:  http://www.etsy.com/listing/81650741/baby-sling-wrap-carrier-black-non

It has been a life saver!  Freya has turned fussy lately, and she is quiet and will sleep in the wrap carrier.  Thank God, because when she is fussy, it is hard to stay sane.  I don't think she is especially worse than any other fussy baby, but a crying baby is like nails on the chalk board to my psyche!  She's also sweet, though, so I can't complain too much.  I've heard that probiotics help with gassiness, which is why she's fussy, I think.  So, I think we'll try them.  It can't hurt.

Papa (Chris) is gone on business.  He's been gone since Sunday afternoon.  It's been okay.  It's actually been better than I expected.  Karen, Chris's mom, came by yesterday to give me a hand while I showered and did a couple of things around the house, and she'll come by again today and maybe spend the night.  I am not sure we'll need her in the night, but it will be nice to know she's close by - thanks, Karen! 

Freya and I went for a walk and to lunch at Moscow on the Hill yesterday.  I had a turkey sandwich.  Freya had formula.  She was really good, though.  She was in the wrap, and I was able to write in the journal I got for her (just keeping track of my thoughts and things about her) and write a card to a friend.  It was nice.  I like being able to go out with her sometimes.  We'll be without Papa until Wednesday night, but I am glad he's gone to do some things with work and be productive with his colleagues.  I will be happy when he gets back.

Work has said that I can bring Freya for the first three months when I return, so she'll be with me until she's approximately six months old.  I am not sure how this will work, but they've done it elsewhere with great success, so we'll see.  I figure it can't hurt to try.  I will meet with my bosses about it in the next few weeks.  I will probably take her in for half-days in the mornings, and then I'll bring her home to Chris at lunch.  This will help him get some stuff done for work that I know he will need to do.  I can bring her home around 2:00, and hopefully he will be mostly done with what he absolutely has to do for the day.  I am happy for this, since we don't have daycare for her.  We are thinking about having someone come in for four hours a day after she is six months old and won't come to work with me anymore.  So, if anyone knows anyone in the Twin Cities looking for a flexible part-time job, please let me know!

This time without Papa has been good for us, I think.  It is a good test.  You single parents out there have my full respect!  I don't know how you do it!

We stopped

We stopped breastfeeding.  I was trying to pump, but the pumping schedule was too grueling.  I was trying to pump every two to three hours - even during sleep time.  I was setting an alarm to get up and pump, and I would pump for 30-45 minutes just to get two to three ounces.  I was exhausted.  I'm still tired, but I'm better.  I really wanted Freya to get breastmilk, and ideally, I wanted to nurse her without having to pump, but this did not work out.  I spent some time feeling really sad and conflicted about this, but I can honestly say that there was nothing else I could have done to make things go well.  Despite my repeated visits to the lactation consultant, waking a sleepy baby to nurse ineffectively, pumping until I was crazy with fatigue, trying to put her back to the breast with intense pain, etc, it just did not work.  She got breastmilk for five and a half weeks.  I guess this is something.  And, as a lot of the people I talked to said, including a lactation consultant I work with, most women would have given up long before I did.  So, we did the best we could.  I am okay with this decision, even if I wish it had been different.

Freya is sweet, beautiful and smart.  She gets some tummy time most days, and she is so strong!  I read books to her almost every day, and we especially like the story of Ferdinand the bull.  She is gaining weight really well, even if she does spit up more than we'd like.  And, she was spitting up breastmilk just as much as formula, so I at least know that it is not the formula being hard on her gut.  She especially likes to spit up on her papa.  She also likes to poop the minute I hand her off to her papa.  He has accused us of being in cahoots together, so I don't have to change as many poopy diapers.  

Parenthood is hard - we are tired all the time.  I rarely eat vegetables anymore - it seems like they are too much work to prepare.  Showering has become something for which intense planning is required - make up and drying of hair is a rarity.  Housecleaning standards are at an all-time low.  My neck hurts from looking down so much - looking down to pump or looking down at Freya.  But, she is so worth it!  She is the best, and even if we are tired, we are happy.  I would not have been ready to have her any earlier in my life, but I do sometimes wonder if I'd be better able to keep up with the demands of parenthood and all the things that come with it if I was younger.  It doesn't matter, because I wouldn't have changed things, anyway.  We are figuring things out.

The Breast is a Bust

Well, not completely.  But, we do have to give some formula.  I am pumping, and I hope to get enough milk to at least be able to feed her half breastmilk.  It is sad, but I also feel a slight sense of relief, because it was getting hard.  Really hard.

Breastfeeding... (and a few photos)

I work for WIC.  I was (or I thought I was) counseling women about breastfeeding for over 10 years.  I didn't know anything!  Breastfeeding has been so hard for me.  Chris has endured my crazy mind believing that Freya isn't getting enough.  And as it turns out, she's not.  I have endured pain, what was possibly thrush (I got treated for it, even though I question whether or not I really had it), and then some massive plugged ducts, which I was very worried was going to lead to a breast infection.  Freya got weighed today.  She isn't gaining as quickly as she should.  She is now 8 lbs 3 oz.  The lactation consultant still thinks we can make it work with exclusive breastfeeding, and I hope we can, but to be honest, I just want Freya to thrive.  I have now rented a hospital grade breast pump to try to increase my milk supply.  I have been so tempted to give formula, and sometimes I fantasize about not having to breastfeed, and as I write that, I know that it isn't supposed to be that way.  It's supposed to be something I enjoy.  I have cried over this several times.  I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes with worry for her.  And still, I know it's best to keep at it, and it's because I love her, and that is why I try so hard, but it is starting to take its toll.  I know giving her some formula is not the worst thing I could do, but I have told women for over 10 years to consider not doing that, and things that we have learned make me feel guilty for thinking about it, and I wonder if people at work will judge me if they know I have given her formula.  We have an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow.  I just wish things would work.  I want for this to work.

Now, the good part.  She's the best and most beautiful baby ever.  She hardly ever cries.  She is super sweet.  Even though we are having the problems with breastfeeding, she is still super easy to love, and I am so glad she's become a part of our lives.  I know that if the breastfeeding doesn't work out to be what we can do exclusively, it will be okay.  Now, my thoughts are more about her and what's best for her.  We'll see.  The good news is that the pediatrician is pro-breastfeeding and also smart.  She will tell us what's best, but she won't let Freya get in danger.  If we need to give formula, I think she'll tell us.  Everybody, keep us in your thoughts and hope for the best.

photos

She's here!

Freya is here!

I am sitting in my hospital room.  It is night, and it probably wouldn't matter, because I have no idea of the passage of time in my mind.  I am tired.  Really tired.  And I am not well physically, but my spirit is as happy as it has ever been.  I am in love with my new daughter.

Here's what happened:
My blood pressure had been creeping up, so the midwives were keeping an eye on it.  I had an appt on Tuesday, and along with ever increasing blood pressure, I now had protein in my urine (a sign of preeclampsia).  So, the midwife I saw that day told us to go directly to the hospital for observation, which we did.  We did not end up leaving.  I went to triage, where another midwife told me that in my birth story, I might have hoped to take the freeway home, but I was in for country roads and construction along the way.  So, we went to Labor and Delivery.  I had a fabulous nurse who was very kind to us both and took a real interest in what was going on with us.  Nurse Debbie.  She changed shifts, but I was in active labor/transition when she returned for her shift the next day, so she got to come full circle with us, which I was extremely happy for.  I was told that I would get some cervical ripening agents, and then pitocin would be administered. I knew that that most likely meant that I was going to have to have an epidural.  They also put me on a magnesium sulfate drip to keep me from having seizures, which is what happens sometimes to women who have preeclampsia.  The nurse told me that this would make me feel kind of like a "wet noodle".  When we got to our room, and the mag drip was on, the doctor said that I'd need a catheter, which I DID NOT want.  So, I used a combination of a bed pan and the bathroom on my own when I was able.  And so it went.  For hours.  Our doula, Alissa, came.  The first part was okay, because I wasn't feeling any pain, and it was fun just sitting around and visiting with Chris and Alissa.  They continued to monitor my cervix and kept putting in more cervical ripening agent after every four hours.  They could do this up to four times.  Before the fourth time, I had graduated from 1 cm dilated to 3 cm dilated.  So, I was thinking that things would not progress much further or would progress to slowly for me to not have the pitocin and the epidural, etc. etc.  But, when the fourth time came, I started having really hard contractions.  I wanted the epidural.  I was asking and telling Chris and Alissa that I wanted one (in contradiction to what I had hoped for in talking with them before, but everything had changed, right?)  Then nurse convinced me to let her check my cervix, because she said that if I had dilated more, I might not need the pitocin.  I was not in my right mind at this point.  I had been awake for several hours, confined to a bed on which I was feeling woosy and having major contractions.  But, I agreed, thinking in the back of my mind that I wouldn't care how far I was - I wanted the epidural!  But, I had dilated from 3 to 6 cm in 1 1/2 hours.  The nurse (whose name was Candi) asked me if I would consider fentanyl instead, a mild narcotic that helps take the edge off the pain.  I agreed.  It would wear off in an hour, though.  But, after that hour, I had dilated to 9 cm.  Things were going really fast.  I wasn't going to get the pitocin.  I was going to do this on my own!  And then it was time to push.  And it was hard.  And long.  And I was really tired, because I had been in labor for around 20 hours at this point.  After three hours of me not believing that I could actually push her out (and begging even for the vacuum extractor to help me get her out - when I didn't really even know what that was, and thank God, because that would have been even harder than me doing it on my own), I did push her out.  She was born 22 hours after my water broke on its own and about 26 hours after we initially went to the hospital.  12:03pm on Sept 28th.  It was an emergency induction that ended up in natural childbirth.  I am so happy for that outcome!  I am so thankful for all the people who helped me do it:  Chris Kelsey, the A-no. 1, Alissa, our doula, Nurse Debbie, Hanna (the med student who was just observing, but who held my hand and my leg in position for three hours while I pushed.  Hanna, I'm going to send a very flattering letter to your advisor, if I can find out your last name and your advisor's name), Nurse Sue, Nurse Candi, Elizabeth, the resident who was an awesome coach through pushing, Dr. Martini, the resident with the heart of gold, Dr. Pate, the "bad cop", and Dr. Merid, the one who made me ultimately get things done by bringing out the catheter at the very end and suggesting I get it, because my bladder was too full and probably making pushing harder.  When I saw the catheter come out, I pushed her out pretty quickly after that!  So, it was the catheter that was my enemy, and I BEAT YOU, you big, dumb catheter!

Pictures will follow soon.  Freya is amazing.  I am so happy to be her mother and we are so happy to give her to the world!  I love you, my sweetest girl!
-your mother.

Is This Right?!

This is Week 36 (now)

This is Week 34

Now I know that these are two different settings, but it sure looks like my stomach got gigantic over the last two weeks!

I am super swelling at this point, and my blood pressure is elevated, but I am not preeclamptic.  So, that is good!  I am hoping that I will not get preeclampsia.  If I do get it, the good news is that I will probably not have to have a c-section just because of that.  They are follwing me weekly now, so they are monitoring it pretty closely, and if I do get preeclampsia, they can induce me instead of doing a c-section.  I am hoping that there will be no need of either, but I would like to avoid a c-section if I can.

How do I feel?  That depends on the day.  The hour.  The minute.  I am tired most of the time, but I feel better at night, usually.  I can't believe how much harder it is to move around.  I've even resorted to using the handicapped stall in the bathroom at work, because it's hard to get off the regular-height toilet!  I teeter between being kind of miserable and totally ready to get Freya out to still having some anxiety about the birth, although that is much less now.  I think I am resigned that whatever will happen will happen, and this pregnancy is wearing me down to the point that I care much less about the actual process than I did before.  I can't wait to see Freya, though! 

Chris and I spend time wondering what she'll look like.  We wonder if she'll be born with a lot of hair and what color it will be, etc. etc.  I know it will take a little time before she will look like herself, but it will be fun to see her in the beginning, too.

Besides having her in the world, the things I am most looking forward to doing after she's born are going for walks, being able to sleep in the bed again (and not on the couch), being able to move about freely, having full use of my hands again (because the swelling will go away eventually), not having to eat Tums several times a day and eating french fries (because I'm trying to avoid salt right now).  Oddly enough, alcohol is not on that list.  I will have some wine or a drink eventually, but I think it will be some time before I do.  Besides, I'll be breastfeeding, so I would need to watch it, anyway.

Okay.  I am pretty tired now, so I am stopping.

Freya's Crib

Here's a picture of her crib.  It will be in our room with us.  Some of the stuff inside were gifts.  Not everything that was given is pictured, but isn't that a cute image?!

Freya's Fine!

We went to the ultrasound on Monday, and despite my measuring large, Freya is at a fairly normal weight.  At this point, she is estimated to be 5 pounds 3 ounces.  Of course, the ultrasound can be off a little, but that is the estimate.  This is about a week ahead in weight, but it's much better than the month ahead that I measured at my midwife appt last week!  I guess I have a lot of amniotic fluid.  So, hopefully she'll grow into that fluid, and I won't keep growing enormous!  It was fun to see her, even though the images were a little difficult to translate.  It isn't one of those 3D image ultrasounds - just the traditional x-ray looking kind.  I'm glad to know everything is okay in there, though!  We didn't get a picture, because of course, she wouldn't get in a good position for one.  But we'll be seeing her soon - only six and a half weeks until the due date!  Crazy!  I can't wait to see her, though - even if I'm scared about childbirth.

Last Sunday was one of the best parties I've ever had.  Of course, there were two ladies responsible for that good time - Hope and Erin, my sisters-in-law.  It was Freya's baby shower, and it was so much fun!  I loved seeing everyone who was there, and it was fun to catch up and socialize.  One thing I know for sure is that I have some awesome friends, and even after Freya is born, I don't want to lose those bonds.  There have been times when life just gets busy, and I don't nurture those friendships enough.  I hope that making sure I stay in touch with all those friends is a good example for Freya to make sure she has good girlfriends that are important in her life.  I guess I should say "friends" and not "girlfriends", because I have some very good friends who are men, too, and I feel the same way about them.  And, special thanks to Hope and Erin for making this party so special for me.  I think I don't often allow people to do too much for me, and when I do, and people are so generous with their time and efforts, it makes me feel really good and happy inside.  So, thanks to you two ladies, especially!

On a serious note, I am getting scared about the big day.  I will be so happy to see Freya, but I don't like the idea of childbirth at all, and I think I'm starting to stress about it.  I know logically that it will be okay, but just not knowing what to expect is kind of hard.  And then, finding out about some stuff that will happen makes me nervous, too!  Like, when they'll put the hookup for an IV in my hand when I go to the hospital- even before they need to give me anything, like fluids.  I don't want that in my hand all the time!  And then I think if I ask them not to do it, they'll think I'm a baby, and then they'll get this idea about me that I'm a problem patient.  Now, some things I am fine to speak my mind about, and I don't want to give anyone the impression that I'm timid when it comes to making sure my wishes are respected, but the IV hookup seems like such a small thing to refuse, so if I do refuse it, then I don't know what they'll think if I decide I want an epidural!  I just wish we could birth them at around two to three months, and then they could climb into a pouch, like marsupials. 

How many weeks am I?!!!?

Sorry about holding up my boobs, but I think you can see the true size of my belly more dramatically this way!  Holy Crap - That's a big belly!

So, I'm going to be 33 weeks tomorrow.  And at the doctor last Wednesday, I was measuring "36 weeks at least", according to the midwife.  This could mean a variety of things, but it DOES NOT mean that I'm actually 36 weeks along.  I'm still just 32 weeks.  What it could mean is that I have a lot of amniotic fluid, or that Freya is big for her gestational age.  We will go for an ultrasound on Monday to find out her estimated weight right now.  I think that there is a 10% margin of error with that, so it could be slightly off, but it will give us a good idea.  I am not worried, but I do hope that she doesn't get too big to birth her.  I know that C-sections are commonplace enough, and there's nothing wrong with that delivery method, but I would rather not have one, and probably a lot of that has to do with the fact that I have never been in the hospital for anything other than a few stitches.  So, having major abdominal surgery seems like an unsavory idea to me.  But I'm putting the cart before the horse.  It could be that it is just a growth spurt.  Chris said that he'll need a paternity test if this baby is over eight pounds (because babies run on the smaller side in his family).  I just keep reminding him of the Crowell genes on my dad's side. :)  And the fact that his sister, Erin's, children were big babies.  But still, I don't want her to be too huge.  I know that she'll be just how she's supposed to be, but please, if she doesn't need to be any bigger than eight pounds, then please, please don't make her be!!!!

Baby shower tomorrow, given by my two wonderful sisters-in-law, Hope and Erin.  Thanks, ladies!  Then ultrasound on Monday.  I'll give an update some time after that.



Week 32

 

Well, you can see that my facial expression is different in this photo than in the one from Week 28.  You can also see that my pregnant belly is bigger.  I was tired when this photo was taken.  I still feel okay, but the tiredness has definately set in again now that I'm getting farther along.  It really is okay when I don't overdo it, but this weekend, we had childbirth classes on Friday night, Saturday all day, and as much as I wanted to and enjoyed seeing her, we had our first visit with our doula today.  So, that coupled with all the usual weekend stuff to do was a lot. 

The birth classes went well, and they covered a lot of stuff, which was good.  Some was review from books I'd read, and some was new.  It was also nice that Chris and I were learning the same things at the same time, because then we could talk about stuff.  I have to say that learning more about possible interventions or pain medication options makes me more scared than the actual pain of childbirth.  I don't know about the whole needle in the spine thing.  I am also not sure about feeling nauseous and out of it (a side effect from some of the narcotic pain meds).  I have decided that if I get to have a labor and delivery that does not include a C-section, then I will have to be in some serious pain before I take any of the medications.  And, that is what childbirth is (or so I've come to understand):  serious pain.  So, we'll see what happens.  I am expecting the unexpected and realize that no matter what I plan for, all the plans may not come into play, because nothing may go as I hope it will.  But, it is better to have some kind of idea of what I want.  I guess if I have to do anything, it will be the epidural, but I sure hate the idea of being numb.  It isn't so much because I want to feel what's going on, but I think it will freak me out a little.  Not being able to move, pee or have sensation below the waist seems not cool.  At all.  Of course, that may be comforting when I'm in the thick of it.  I'll be glad to have our doula there!  She said today that if I want to do it without meds, then part of her job is to get me as far as she can without them.  I really like her.  Her name is Alissa, and it just so happens that she also works for the Health Department, although not in my section.  She's really cool, and I think she is a good fit for Chris and me.

 Chris has been super good to me all throughout this pregnancy, and I can't say he's been better to me at one time than another, but I sure do notice it.  I don't always feel like doing the things that I used to want to do, like be in the kitchen, cooking or preparing meals or doing dishes or just regular household things.  Of course, I don't always WANT to do the dishes, but I also try to make things equitable with housework.  And there are times when one of us doesn't feel as up to doing things as the other, and then whoever the other is just works a little harder, and that just seems to work for us, but I think Chris is the one working a little harder most of the time lately.  I know you ladies, especially the ones who've been pregnant before might say that he SHOULD be working harder, but the thing is that a lot of women don't have a supportive partner or a partner at all.  I am happy and lucky that Chris is my partner, because he sees what I need, and he just does it.  And, he has never refused the request for a foot rub.  That's right - this dude is golden.

So, news:  I passed the diabetes test.  That's good!  I have an appointment with the midwife on Wednesday, and I will be glad to go to that.  I don't know why, but the closer the due date gets, kind of the more anxious I get that everything is alright in there.  She moves a lot, but she does it in clusters, and sometimes when she's been still for a long time, I start to worry.  Of course, she moves eventually.  Anyway, I just want to hear her heartbeat again and see how I'm measuring.  I was measuring at 30 when I was 28 weeks last time, so I will be interested to see what it is this time.  I want her to be healthy, but she doesn't need to be a record setter for weight!

Okay, this is all for now.

These Shoes Used To Fit

 

How about that awesome pedicure?!  You know who did it?  That's right - my sweet husband did!

My feet are swelling.  My hands are swelling, too.  In fact, I have (or at least I think I have) pregnancy induced carpal tunnel from all the swelling in my writsts putting pressure on the nerves.  When I wake up in the morning, my hands are useless.  Chris even has had to put toothpaste on my toothbrush for me!  It gets better after I shower.  It is kind of crazy!

Freya is kicking and moving around like crazy.  Enjoy it while you can, Freya, because as you know, it's getting tight in there.  Chris likes to talk to her through my belly.  I like that.  I think Freya likes it, too.  I still can't believe that there is this living thing inside me.  Sometimes when I think about how dark it is in there, it kind of freaks me out, because I think about how I would feel, and I think I would be scared.  I know Freya doesn't know anything different, so it's not a big deal to her.

My friend, Kerrey, was in town recently on business, and I got to see her while she was here!!!!!!  I was really glad to see her!  It was kind of a last minute thing, so it was a nice surprise.  Here is a photo we took in the garden together.

We were being goofy in the photo.  This particular pose is an old joke for us.  Anyway, it was great to see you, Kerrey!

I am tired, so this will be the end for now.

My new favorite drink!

YUM!

I've been making some simple syrups for making "mixed" drinks.  This is my new favorite:  raspberry with cilantro and ginger.  The flavor combo may sound a little weird, but it's really good!  Here's how you make it:

1 cup sugar

1 1/2 cups water

element for flavoring  (I made two syrups - one with a half pint of raspberries and one with about 1/2 cup of chopped cilantro and 2 Tbsp minced ginger)

Pour the water and sugar into a saucepan and heat on stovetop just until boiling.  Reduce heat and simmer for about 5 minutes, sugar should be dissolved.  Mix in flavoring element(s).  Cool to room temperature.  Strain and refrigerate.

After it cooled, I added about 1 Tbsp cilantro ginger syrup and about 2 Tbsps raspberry syrup.  I muddled some raspberries at the bottom of the glass with the syrup, added ice cubes and about 2/3rds club soda to 1/3 tonic water ( I used diet tonic).  It's pretty good!!!

I don't really miss alcohol -  well, sometimes I do, but for the most part, it has been pretty easy to avoid it.  I have had some sips from Chris's wine or beer, if we're out, but that's about it.  I have read some research that suggests that having two to three glasses of wine per week in pregnancy does not show any adverse affects.  I'm not sure that I'll have full glasses of wine, since I haven't so far, but these syrups really help a girl feel like she's having a special drink, even if there's no alcohol in it. 

Another favorite is Cascal:  http://www.cheerscascal.com/.  The only place that sells it in the Twin Cities is Whole Foods, and I don't go there very often, but it is good for pretending you're having wine when everyone else is having the real thing.  It's pretty good, too. 

The best NA beer is Bitburger Drive:  http://www.bitburger.com/bitburger_beers/bitburger_drive/product_bitburger_drive/index.html

Clausthaler is also pretty good:  http://us.clausthaler.com/cms/startordner/1401_a6809u7.html

So, these are my recommendations for non-alcohol drinks.  I'm becomming a connoisseur!

Week 28

Here it is:  Week 28

I would have taken this photo outside again, but it's dang hot!  It's supposed to be 98 today and 100 tomorrow.  This isn't right for MN!  Anyway, I'm measuring at 30 weeks, but hopefully that doesn't mean that Freya is bigger than she needs to be at this point!  Or, if she is bigger than she needs to be at this point, I hope she is not any bigger than she needs to be at birth!  I also took my glucose screening for gestational diabetes today, so hopefully that will be normal.

The heat makes being pregnant a little harder, but really, I'm doing well.  I don't have any problems, and I'm feeling good for the most part.  I don't have a lot to report. 

She's still moving around a lot!  Sometimes I can't believe with what force I get kicked (or punched or whatever).  Sometimes we still try to wrap our heads around the fact that we're going to be parents, but a lot of the time we're thinking about how fun it will be with Freya around.  Of course, I imagine that it will be a headache sometimes, but I think it will be fun more often.



Man, it's been awhile. Sorry about that!

Hi, all of y'all!  I know it's been awhile since I've been on here.  Sorry! 

Here is the latest picture.  It was taken last night out in our lovely garden.  Minnesota gardens are plush right now, because all it's done is rain for the last several months.  Note the cloudy appearance in this photo!

Well, as you probably know from a previous post, it's a girl!!!!!!  I am excited about this.  I would have been happy either way, but I think that knowing that it's a girl makes me think that that was what I was secretly hoping for all along.  I'm sure I'd feel that way if it was a boy, too, but I'm super psyched that she's a girl!!!  I'm thinking about all the fun stuff we'll get to do with her, and how much fun we're all going to have together!  Her parents are a couple of super goofs, so hopefully we'll all be on the same page with our stupid humor.  I want her to be herself, but I hope she's funny.  I was way too serious and shy as a child, so her being a little more fun and outgoing than I was would be okay with me!  Of course, I'll take whatever I get.  This is going to be an adventure, for sure.

We've chosen our name for her.  Some people, actually most people, have not heard of her first name, and when I tell people her middle name, there's a puzzled look on most people's faces (or a puzzled sound in their voices if I'm on the phone) until I explain why that will be her middle name.  Her first name will be Freya, pronounced Fraya (the first "a" is hard, and the second "a" is soft).  It's a Scandinavian name, and while it isn't common, it's certainly a name I've heard before, and I'm not a native Minnesotan or Scandinavian, so I have been surprised how few people I've told actually know the name.  Freya was also a Norse goddess - one of the big ones.  She's supposed to be the equivalent of Venus in Norse mythology, but that's not why we chose the name.  We just like it.  Her middle name will be Valentina.  According to the charts (and I know that it's just conjecture as to the actual date), her heart started beating on Valentine's Day.  So, we think this will be fun for her when she's growing up, and Valentine's Day will be special for her.  My favorite book is The Count of Monte Cristo, and at first we were going to make her middle name Valentine, after one of the characters in the book, but then we decided Valentina sounded and flowed better with Freya.  So, unless something earthshattering happens, and we change our minds, this will be her name.

I feel her move all the time.  She is really active, and it makes me wonder if she'll actually sleep at all when she comes out.  I joked with Chris once that shortly after she's born, we should have a "Coming Out" party for her.  Maybe our New Year's Day black-eyed pea party can double as a Coming Out party.  Anyway, she moves a lot.  Sometimes you can even see her moving in my belly.  Chris felt her move with his hand for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and I felt her move for the first time on Mother's Day.  How about that?!  Heart beats on Valentine's Day, first movement felt on Mother's Day.  Chris jokes that maybe she'll be born on Labor Day!  Of course, we don't want that, because then she'd be a month early, but it's a funny joke.

I feel pretty good.  I still don't sleep the best, but other than that, there are really not any problems.  I feel pretty lucky that this pregnancy has been so easy, compared to stories I've heard from other people, so that's good!

Well, this is all for now.  Sorry it took me so long to post this.  I'm going to try to be better next time!
-Erin

New photo

We know!

It's a girl!

 We would put an ultrasound photo up, but she was squirming around the whole time, so we didn't get any good ones.  All the body parts and organs are there and normal, but they couldn't see the aortic arch, because she wouldn't stop moving/wouldn't get in the right position, so I'm going back in a month for another one.  I'm not worried, though.

Woo Hoo!!!!!!!  We didn't hope for one sex over the other, but it is super exciting to find out!

Photo Op

belly's getting bigger

Yep - the casual observer can now tell that I'm pregnant.  That is somewhat of a relief. 

I went to the doctor last Friday, and we got the chance to talk about some things, like birthing in a birthing tub.  I am going to try to go natural.  Having said that, I also realize that I don't know what the pain of childbirth is like, so I am keeping my options open.  I am also going into it knowing that some things can't be helped, and if I even have to have a C-section, then that is the way the cards fall.  I hope it goes the way I want, but if it doesn't, then I will deal with it.  I am not looking forward to laboring, but I do want to see what it is like.  I'm sure when I find out, I'll like to see what it's like to be finished!

I also took a blood test that tests for certain birth defects like Down's syndrome.  I think there are four things it tests for.  Anyway, my results came back negative.  That doesn't mean that it isn't still possible, but it is just less probable that I will have a baby with those particular defects.  I am glad it came back negative.  I didn't want to do any invasive proceedures after the blood test.  We weren't going to get the invasive proceedures anyway, but having my test be negative just puts our minds even more at ease.

Last Sunday (Mother's Day), I felt the baby move for the first time.  That was something!  It was neat to feel the movement.  I also think it is fun that it happened on Mother's Day.

We will find out on May 20th if the baby is a girl or a boy.  That will be exciting!  I feel kind of hypocritical, because I used to encourage people to not find out, if they were on the fence about it.  Chris wants to know, and I will be going in for more ultrasounds than typical in later pregnancy to make sure my cervix isn't thinning, and I know that I will let curiosity get the better of me.  So, we're finding out.  This will at least help with names.

Well, this is all for now.  I'm hoping to get Chris to take a picture of me soon, so you guys can see the belly popping out.  It's kind of cool, because I don't even worry about my fat rolls anymore.  They don't show up now. :)

Heart Rate a non-issue

After a normal EKG, a normal ECG and an normal 24 hour Holter Monitor reading, there was no reason to take it further.  I had one episode of a rapid heart rate for a short amount of time during the wearing of the Holter Monitor, but my doctor did not think that was significant enough to warrant a visit to a cardiologist, and I am thankful for that, because I didn't want to go.  It has gotten better since its onset in the first trimester.

I am now 17 weeks.  Almost half way there! 

More later.

Week 14

Well, I'm in my 14th week now - trimester II.

There's not a lot to remark upon, but I am starting to just barely show now.  Of course, strangers might see me and think I've just got a fat belly, but it's definitely getting a pregnant definition.

The only thing medically to note is that I'm having a rapid heart rate.  It has always been on the high side - usually 80's to low 90's, but now it's higher.  Most of the time it is fine, but in the mornings, about an hour after I eat breakfast, it is high to the point that it bothers me.  I've checked it on several mornings, and it's not uncommon for it to be in the 130's and 140's.  When it's in the 140's, it starts to freak me out a little, but it doesn't last long - maybe a half hour?  I went in for an EKG last Friday, which was normal, and I go for an ECG on Tuesday, and I'll wear a Holter for 24 hours at some point this week, after I make the appointment.  The Holter will check my pulse rate throughout the day.  Here's what it looks like:



So, this should be easy to conceal under clothing, right?!  I'm thinking about taking the day off that I have to wear this, just because of all the questions I might get at work.  Although, if it's under my clothes, what person would ask about it?  They'd just think I was concealing something underneath my clothes, and then they might wonder what it is or think I am weird.  We'll see.

I am not that worried about the pulse rate, though.  I just wish I knew what was causing it.  It seems to be related to consumption of meals, because it is only really high about an hour after I eat, and it only lasts for around 30 minutes each time.  Then it goes down to 100-110.  So, we'll see what they say.  After the Holter, I will possibly see a cardiologist.  No one needs to worry about this.  I'm obviously getting good medical care!  They're being very thourough.  Oh, the joys of pregnancy.  It's cool, though.  There's a big payoff at the end.

Stubborn Baby

We went today to get an ultrasound, and they were going to try to measure the nuchal translucency in the baby's neck to see if there was a risk for Down's Syndrome, but the baby WOULD NOT get in the right position for this, despite repeated efforts.  Anyway, here's the ultrasound image.  The baby is about two inches long right now.  We couldn't get this image to go in horizontally, but you can still see the baby.  Really, even if the baby had Down's Syndrome, we wouldn't stop the pregnancy anyway.  So, it's okay, baby.  You can be as stubborn as you want (for now). 

It was fun to see the baby today!  Sometimes I just wonder if everything is still okay, and sometimes for split seconds, I think that maybe there was a mistake, and I'm not really pregnant afterall.  I feel more positive about it all.  I was positive before, but when I found out I was pregnant, I kind of thought; "OK - there's no taking this back. Am I sure about this, and if not, I better get sure quick."  I feel happier about it.  It sounds odd to write "happier", because I was happy before, but now I feel more at ease about it all

Yesterday was the first time that I thought that my belly was starting to get a little more pronounced and a little firmer.  I bought a skirt and a couple of sweaters, because I need some new clothes!  I got an elastic waist skirt, so hopefully I can wear it throughout the pregnancy.  It is hard to buy clothes when you don't know how long you'll be able to wear them or when you'll be able to wear them again. Hopefully, soon after birth, I'll be able to not only fit back into my old clothes, but I'll probably need to size down, right? :)

This afternoon, I was driving down the street, after I'd gone to the grocery store.  It was sunny outside.  It was warm inside the car, and I was playing Steely Dan's Time Out of Mind, and it sure felt good.  That might be my favorite Steely Dan song.  A lyric in that song is:  "tonight when I chase the dragon..."  What he's talking about is smoking opium, but I think it could be a metaphor for birth.  I'll be chasing the baby out, and even though the baby isn't a dragon, it might feel like one!  Let's take it out with a little Steely Dan...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzDnhqGdKMk

Sol's encounter

Chris got me a JellyCat stuffed animal today, because I'd commented how I liked the one that looked like Sol over the weekend.  I don't have any stuffed animals, but I liked this one, and since there's a baby coming, it seemed like a double reason to get this stuffed cat.  What ensues makes us wonder if we should get a baby doll and bring it home as a test ahead of the real baby that'll be coming home eventually.

Week 11

Today begins week 11.  I feel okay today, and that's a good thing, because I have been really sick over the last week.  I finally went to the doctor on Friday and was diagnosed with a sinus infection and given antibiotics.  I cannot tell you how much better I am feeling today!  Yesterday was pretty good, and today is even better.

I have lost around five pounds.  I usually teeter between a loss of five to seven.  I haven't been throwing up or missing meals, either.  It doesn't bother me, though, because I know that my body is working hard to grow this fetus.  It's hard to eat all the things I know I should be eating, because vegetables, fish and some meats DO NOT sound or taste good to me now.  I am hoping this will pass, because I am looking forward to farmers market season and grilled fish this summer.  What I have really missed eating are deli meats on sandwiches, some soft cheeses (although I found out I can eat the goat cheese and feta we usually buy, because it's pastuerized), and smoked fish.  The smoked fish thing seems wierd, because fish itself doesn't sound good, but for some reason, smoked trout or salmon is something I kind of want a lot of the time.  I also find that my satiety cues are kicking in a lot quicker and I get full faster.  I find myself not being able to finish things that I once would have not only finished but would have eaten even more, if given a second portion.  This may be one of the only times of my life that I haven't regretted food I've consumed.  I know that my body is changing, and there are some clothes I don't feel like I look good in anymore, but it is one of the only times I haven't had food on my mind a lot of the time, either planning meals (because it's almost impossible to know what I'm going to like or what will make me nauseous at any given time), thinking about a meal I'm going to eat out with friends or family, or feeling guilty about what I've just consumed.  There is no more weekend vs. weekday eating - eating anything I want on the weekend and being very rigid in what I eat on weekdays.  I like this new relationship with food, and I have to say that being completely sober is also gratifying.  I am surprised but happy about how this particular part of pregnancy has turned out.

See you next time!

Why not?

I hadn't planned on coming back to post so soon, but I am at home sick with a cold, so I thought; "why not"?

Here's a video that talks about what's going on in this week of pregnancy.  It's pretty short.  Check it out, if you're interested.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iZ2RZtEMWg

The bad thing about having a cold and being pregnant is that you can't take any cold medications.  So, when my nose is stuffed up, it makes it difficult to sleep.  Boo Hoo - poor me!  Anyway, send the get well vibes my way, please!  Sol wants me to get better, too, because I haven't been in the mood to play with him.  I think my "cold voice" is weirding him out, too.

week 10, day 2

For those of you who don't know, Sol is our cat.  He's going to have a new baby brother or sister soon.  I have so many people who live away from me, and I want them to be up- to- date with the pregnancy, so here's the blog.

Yesterday began week 10.  Today is Monday.  I had planned to take the day off work anyway, because Chris is at a conference, and today is Erin's day home alone.  Unfortunately, there's a rhinovirus that has come to visit my body and is keeping me company on this day off.  So, I'm on the couch with Sol, and I'm getting ready to take a nap.

We had our first prenatal visit almost two weeks ago, and that was fairly quick, as I had already done all my bloodwork, family history and early ultrasound.  I like my doctor a lot!  I had a previous relationship with her, and she is really a good fit for us.  Everything is going normally at this point.  I have been nauseous from time to time, but I haven't thrown up yet (and hopefully won't)!  I am tired  a lot, but this is normal.  Sometimes I feel like I'm recovering from the flu in the morning - body aches, tired, unsure of my day, etc.  I am usually better by around 10-11am.

A lot of people have been really generous with offering to give us things we might need for the baby - we know some people who have had babies, so they have things to share, and that is really nice.

We think we have found a doula (birthing assistant).  We met her last weekend, and her name is Alissa.  We still have another one to interview, but we felt a really strong connection with Alissa.  I think she is going to be a great guide with the birthing process (something I don't think is going to be fun).  Having her with us will help us both do what we need to do at the birth without being totally in the dark.  I feel good about her.

Chris has been a real champ throughout the pregnancy so far.  He's always good to me, but he has DEFINITELY made being pregnant much easier!  Thanks, sweet buddy - you're the best!

This is it for now.  I'll come back regularly and let everyone know how things are progressing, and maybe Chris and Sol will add their posts sometimes, too.  Thanks for visiting!