merry christmas!

things are going to be lower case for this post, because i've got a sleeping baby in my lap.  i am starting to learn how to multi-task.

i was recently thinking about stuff i wish i had known before i gave birth, and i came up with a small list.
1.  cut your toenails and fingernails before you go to the hospital, if you can.  when you come home, you'll still be taking the prenatal vits, and your nails will start growing mightily fast, because the baby isn't taking all that calcium anymore, and you aren't going to feel energetic enough or sane enough to even cut your own nails!
2.  make sure you have a lot of thank you notes on hand.  the gifts don't stop after the shower, and you'll be grateful for everyone you get, so make sure you thank those people who send them.  write the thank you notes out promptly, so you don't forget.
3.  if you're planning to go out in public, and you want to wear make-up after the baby is born, if you think there is ANY chance you'll cry, just skip the mascara.  you'll be crying a lot more than you think you will.
4.  hire a doula.  they might seem expensive, and they aren't cheap, but after it's over, you would have paid them double or triple what they asked, if you'd known how much they'd help during the birth.
5.  if you plan to breastfeed, that's great, but if it isn't working, don't beat yourself up if you have to stop.  also, do yourself a favor, and try everything you can to make it work, and then if it doesn't, there won't be anything you could have done differently, and you you can look back and tell yourself you gave it your best shot.  if you plan to formula feed, don't let ANYONE (especially yourself) tell you you are less better at being that baby's mom, because that's bullshit.
6.  if a trusted adult wants to help you, let them.  you may think you know more about taking care of the baby than anyone else, and you may know more in some areas, but anyone can hold a baby while you take a nap or a shower.  don't try to do it all yourself.  don't listen to your crazed mind about this.
7.  i'm still trying to get the hang of this one:  housework is less important than time for yourself.  it will reach a critical mass, and then you can take care of it, but try to get some time for yourself.  you are going to need it to keep your wits about you.  i mean, get your wits back, because you'll feel crazy for about a month.
8.  buy adult diapers for yourself for after the delivery, when you come home.  i don't need to tell you why.  there are a few reasons, and you'll be glad you did.
9.  don't put a lot of stock into your "birth plan".  there are a lot of ways it can go.  i like to look back and reflect on something a friend told me once, Lisa B. - just believe in "whatever it takes".  the end result is the same, no matter how your birth story turns out.
10.  REACH OUT to friends.  you will feel isolated.  you'll NEED a girlfriend or two to help you get through it, and they don't have to have kids themselves.  one of the people who helped me the most is a person i hardly ever see and one who does not have kids herself.  she was persistent.  she wanted to see the baby, and she just kept asking until i made time for her, and that was one of the best visits i remember, because i needed a friend at that time.
11.  get paper plates for meals.  you aren't going to feel like washing dishes.

what you can do for a new mom:
1.  send her a present, too.  it doesn't have to be anything big, and it will mean a lot.  even cookies or apple cider is good.
2.  if a new mom sends you an email, make your response count.  take a little time, and tell her something nice.
3.  every new mom loves to hear that she looks good, because chances are, she doesn't feel the best about herself.
4.  forgive her if she is short with you or doesn't act like herself.  her old self will return eventually.
5.  don't be pushy, but try to see her if you have time.  call a couple of times, because she might not call back.  don't be pushy, though.
6.  if you have time, go over and do a little housework for her, or take her a meal.
7.  just let her know you care.

having a baby is hard, but it's also rewarding.  my grandmother told me that the things in life that are most worthwhile will require the most effort.  i think she is right.

My Ginger(?) Girl?

I think Freya is getting auburn hair.  I think she is going to be a ginger girl!

She went to the doctor on Tuesday, and she weighed 11-2.  That is the 68th %tile.  I don't get hung up on percentiles, because I worked at the WIC clinic and plotted on growth charts for years, but I think that is great - she was below the 10th %tile last time.  She also got shots, but she did really well with those.  She cried, and she looked really surprised when the needle went in - like questioning why we were doing something to her that caused pain.  I realized that she is probably one of the best cared for babies.  She gets to be with her mother at home for almost 15 weeks.  That is nine weeks longer than most babies get to have their mothers at home.  Her papa is also at home.  This is unusual for any American baby.  She wants for nothing, and she has wonderful people who shower her with love all the time.  People love seeing her when we go out in public, because she is a charmer.  So, she was very surprised indeed, when she got the shots!

She's smiling socially now, too.  She loves the morning, and that is when she is most smiley.  When she smiles at me, it is one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.

She's fussy in the evening, but that's pretty normal, from what I've read and heard.  She likes hip-hop music, and I carry her in the wrap mentioned in the last post, turn on the music and dance with her, and that calms her, and she will EVENTUALLY go to sleep.  Sometimes it takes a while, and my back gets tired, but it is better than a Fussy Freya.

We read books and talk to her all the time, and she is so smart - she is trying to talk to us, too.  She watches our mouths and tries to move her mouth in the same way we are moving ours when we talk.

Things are going well, but I think about when I have to go back to work, and the fact that she likes to get up at 4:30am.  Now, I can take a nap in the day, but I won't be able to do that when I go back to work!  Well, we still have time to work on it.

wrap-tastic!

I got this wrap from etsy:  http://www.etsy.com/listing/81650741/baby-sling-wrap-carrier-black-non

It has been a life saver!  Freya has turned fussy lately, and she is quiet and will sleep in the wrap carrier.  Thank God, because when she is fussy, it is hard to stay sane.  I don't think she is especially worse than any other fussy baby, but a crying baby is like nails on the chalk board to my psyche!  She's also sweet, though, so I can't complain too much.  I've heard that probiotics help with gassiness, which is why she's fussy, I think.  So, I think we'll try them.  It can't hurt.

Papa (Chris) is gone on business.  He's been gone since Sunday afternoon.  It's been okay.  It's actually been better than I expected.  Karen, Chris's mom, came by yesterday to give me a hand while I showered and did a couple of things around the house, and she'll come by again today and maybe spend the night.  I am not sure we'll need her in the night, but it will be nice to know she's close by - thanks, Karen! 

Freya and I went for a walk and to lunch at Moscow on the Hill yesterday.  I had a turkey sandwich.  Freya had formula.  She was really good, though.  She was in the wrap, and I was able to write in the journal I got for her (just keeping track of my thoughts and things about her) and write a card to a friend.  It was nice.  I like being able to go out with her sometimes.  We'll be without Papa until Wednesday night, but I am glad he's gone to do some things with work and be productive with his colleagues.  I will be happy when he gets back.

Work has said that I can bring Freya for the first three months when I return, so she'll be with me until she's approximately six months old.  I am not sure how this will work, but they've done it elsewhere with great success, so we'll see.  I figure it can't hurt to try.  I will meet with my bosses about it in the next few weeks.  I will probably take her in for half-days in the mornings, and then I'll bring her home to Chris at lunch.  This will help him get some stuff done for work that I know he will need to do.  I can bring her home around 2:00, and hopefully he will be mostly done with what he absolutely has to do for the day.  I am happy for this, since we don't have daycare for her.  We are thinking about having someone come in for four hours a day after she is six months old and won't come to work with me anymore.  So, if anyone knows anyone in the Twin Cities looking for a flexible part-time job, please let me know!

This time without Papa has been good for us, I think.  It is a good test.  You single parents out there have my full respect!  I don't know how you do it!

We stopped

We stopped breastfeeding.  I was trying to pump, but the pumping schedule was too grueling.  I was trying to pump every two to three hours - even during sleep time.  I was setting an alarm to get up and pump, and I would pump for 30-45 minutes just to get two to three ounces.  I was exhausted.  I'm still tired, but I'm better.  I really wanted Freya to get breastmilk, and ideally, I wanted to nurse her without having to pump, but this did not work out.  I spent some time feeling really sad and conflicted about this, but I can honestly say that there was nothing else I could have done to make things go well.  Despite my repeated visits to the lactation consultant, waking a sleepy baby to nurse ineffectively, pumping until I was crazy with fatigue, trying to put her back to the breast with intense pain, etc, it just did not work.  She got breastmilk for five and a half weeks.  I guess this is something.  And, as a lot of the people I talked to said, including a lactation consultant I work with, most women would have given up long before I did.  So, we did the best we could.  I am okay with this decision, even if I wish it had been different.

Freya is sweet, beautiful and smart.  She gets some tummy time most days, and she is so strong!  I read books to her almost every day, and we especially like the story of Ferdinand the bull.  She is gaining weight really well, even if she does spit up more than we'd like.  And, she was spitting up breastmilk just as much as formula, so I at least know that it is not the formula being hard on her gut.  She especially likes to spit up on her papa.  She also likes to poop the minute I hand her off to her papa.  He has accused us of being in cahoots together, so I don't have to change as many poopy diapers.  

Parenthood is hard - we are tired all the time.  I rarely eat vegetables anymore - it seems like they are too much work to prepare.  Showering has become something for which intense planning is required - make up and drying of hair is a rarity.  Housecleaning standards are at an all-time low.  My neck hurts from looking down so much - looking down to pump or looking down at Freya.  But, she is so worth it!  She is the best, and even if we are tired, we are happy.  I would not have been ready to have her any earlier in my life, but I do sometimes wonder if I'd be better able to keep up with the demands of parenthood and all the things that come with it if I was younger.  It doesn't matter, because I wouldn't have changed things, anyway.  We are figuring things out.

The Breast is a Bust

Well, not completely.  But, we do have to give some formula.  I am pumping, and I hope to get enough milk to at least be able to feed her half breastmilk.  It is sad, but I also feel a slight sense of relief, because it was getting hard.  Really hard.

Breastfeeding... (and a few photos)

I work for WIC.  I was (or I thought I was) counseling women about breastfeeding for over 10 years.  I didn't know anything!  Breastfeeding has been so hard for me.  Chris has endured my crazy mind believing that Freya isn't getting enough.  And as it turns out, she's not.  I have endured pain, what was possibly thrush (I got treated for it, even though I question whether or not I really had it), and then some massive plugged ducts, which I was very worried was going to lead to a breast infection.  Freya got weighed today.  She isn't gaining as quickly as she should.  She is now 8 lbs 3 oz.  The lactation consultant still thinks we can make it work with exclusive breastfeeding, and I hope we can, but to be honest, I just want Freya to thrive.  I have now rented a hospital grade breast pump to try to increase my milk supply.  I have been so tempted to give formula, and sometimes I fantasize about not having to breastfeed, and as I write that, I know that it isn't supposed to be that way.  It's supposed to be something I enjoy.  I have cried over this several times.  I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes with worry for her.  And still, I know it's best to keep at it, and it's because I love her, and that is why I try so hard, but it is starting to take its toll.  I know giving her some formula is not the worst thing I could do, but I have told women for over 10 years to consider not doing that, and things that we have learned make me feel guilty for thinking about it, and I wonder if people at work will judge me if they know I have given her formula.  We have an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow.  I just wish things would work.  I want for this to work.

Now, the good part.  She's the best and most beautiful baby ever.  She hardly ever cries.  She is super sweet.  Even though we are having the problems with breastfeeding, she is still super easy to love, and I am so glad she's become a part of our lives.  I know that if the breastfeeding doesn't work out to be what we can do exclusively, it will be okay.  Now, my thoughts are more about her and what's best for her.  We'll see.  The good news is that the pediatrician is pro-breastfeeding and also smart.  She will tell us what's best, but she won't let Freya get in danger.  If we need to give formula, I think she'll tell us.  Everybody, keep us in your thoughts and hope for the best.

photos