things are going to be lower case for this post, because i've got a sleeping baby in my lap. i am starting to learn how to multi-task.
i was recently thinking about stuff i wish i had known before i gave birth, and i came up with a small list.
1. cut your toenails and fingernails before you go to the hospital, if you can. when you come home, you'll still be taking the prenatal vits, and your nails will start growing mightily fast, because the baby isn't taking all that calcium anymore, and you aren't going to feel energetic enough or sane enough to even cut your own nails!
2. make sure you have a lot of thank you notes on hand. the gifts don't stop after the shower, and you'll be grateful for everyone you get, so make sure you thank those people who send them. write the thank you notes out promptly, so you don't forget.
3. if you're planning to go out in public, and you want to wear make-up after the baby is born, if you think there is ANY chance you'll cry, just skip the mascara. you'll be crying a lot more than you think you will.
4. hire a doula. they might seem expensive, and they aren't cheap, but after it's over, you would have paid them double or triple what they asked, if you'd known how much they'd help during the birth.
5. if you plan to breastfeed, that's great, but if it isn't working, don't beat yourself up if you have to stop. also, do yourself a favor, and try everything you can to make it work, and then if it doesn't, there won't be anything you could have done differently, and you you can look back and tell yourself you gave it your best shot. if you plan to formula feed, don't let ANYONE (especially yourself) tell you you are less better at being that baby's mom, because that's bullshit.
6. if a trusted adult wants to help you, let them. you may think you know more about taking care of the baby than anyone else, and you may know more in some areas, but anyone can hold a baby while you take a nap or a shower. don't try to do it all yourself. don't listen to your crazed mind about this.
7. i'm still trying to get the hang of this one: housework is less important than time for yourself. it will reach a critical mass, and then you can take care of it, but try to get some time for yourself. you are going to need it to keep your wits about you. i mean, get your wits back, because you'll feel crazy for about a month.
8. buy adult diapers for yourself for after the delivery, when you come home. i don't need to tell you why. there are a few reasons, and you'll be glad you did.
9. don't put a lot of stock into your "birth plan". there are a lot of ways it can go. i like to look back and reflect on something a friend told me once, Lisa B. - just believe in "whatever it takes". the end result is the same, no matter how your birth story turns out.
10. REACH OUT to friends. you will feel isolated. you'll NEED a girlfriend or two to help you get through it, and they don't have to have kids themselves. one of the people who helped me the most is a person i hardly ever see and one who does not have kids herself. she was persistent. she wanted to see the baby, and she just kept asking until i made time for her, and that was one of the best visits i remember, because i needed a friend at that time.
11. get paper plates for meals. you aren't going to feel like washing dishes.
what you can do for a new mom:
1. send her a present, too. it doesn't have to be anything big, and it will mean a lot. even cookies or apple cider is good.
2. if a new mom sends you an email, make your response count. take a little time, and tell her something nice.
3. every new mom loves to hear that she looks good, because chances are, she doesn't feel the best about herself.
4. forgive her if she is short with you or doesn't act like herself. her old self will return eventually.
5. don't be pushy, but try to see her if you have time. call a couple of times, because she might not call back. don't be pushy, though.
6. if you have time, go over and do a little housework for her, or take her a meal.
7. just let her know you care.
having a baby is hard, but it's also rewarding. my grandmother told me that the things in life that are most worthwhile will require the most effort. i think she is right.
