She's here!

Freya is here!

I am sitting in my hospital room.  It is night, and it probably wouldn't matter, because I have no idea of the passage of time in my mind.  I am tired.  Really tired.  And I am not well physically, but my spirit is as happy as it has ever been.  I am in love with my new daughter.

Here's what happened:
My blood pressure had been creeping up, so the midwives were keeping an eye on it.  I had an appt on Tuesday, and along with ever increasing blood pressure, I now had protein in my urine (a sign of preeclampsia).  So, the midwife I saw that day told us to go directly to the hospital for observation, which we did.  We did not end up leaving.  I went to triage, where another midwife told me that in my birth story, I might have hoped to take the freeway home, but I was in for country roads and construction along the way.  So, we went to Labor and Delivery.  I had a fabulous nurse who was very kind to us both and took a real interest in what was going on with us.  Nurse Debbie.  She changed shifts, but I was in active labor/transition when she returned for her shift the next day, so she got to come full circle with us, which I was extremely happy for.  I was told that I would get some cervical ripening agents, and then pitocin would be administered. I knew that that most likely meant that I was going to have to have an epidural.  They also put me on a magnesium sulfate drip to keep me from having seizures, which is what happens sometimes to women who have preeclampsia.  The nurse told me that this would make me feel kind of like a "wet noodle".  When we got to our room, and the mag drip was on, the doctor said that I'd need a catheter, which I DID NOT want.  So, I used a combination of a bed pan and the bathroom on my own when I was able.  And so it went.  For hours.  Our doula, Alissa, came.  The first part was okay, because I wasn't feeling any pain, and it was fun just sitting around and visiting with Chris and Alissa.  They continued to monitor my cervix and kept putting in more cervical ripening agent after every four hours.  They could do this up to four times.  Before the fourth time, I had graduated from 1 cm dilated to 3 cm dilated.  So, I was thinking that things would not progress much further or would progress to slowly for me to not have the pitocin and the epidural, etc. etc.  But, when the fourth time came, I started having really hard contractions.  I wanted the epidural.  I was asking and telling Chris and Alissa that I wanted one (in contradiction to what I had hoped for in talking with them before, but everything had changed, right?)  Then nurse convinced me to let her check my cervix, because she said that if I had dilated more, I might not need the pitocin.  I was not in my right mind at this point.  I had been awake for several hours, confined to a bed on which I was feeling woosy and having major contractions.  But, I agreed, thinking in the back of my mind that I wouldn't care how far I was - I wanted the epidural!  But, I had dilated from 3 to 6 cm in 1 1/2 hours.  The nurse (whose name was Candi) asked me if I would consider fentanyl instead, a mild narcotic that helps take the edge off the pain.  I agreed.  It would wear off in an hour, though.  But, after that hour, I had dilated to 9 cm.  Things were going really fast.  I wasn't going to get the pitocin.  I was going to do this on my own!  And then it was time to push.  And it was hard.  And long.  And I was really tired, because I had been in labor for around 20 hours at this point.  After three hours of me not believing that I could actually push her out (and begging even for the vacuum extractor to help me get her out - when I didn't really even know what that was, and thank God, because that would have been even harder than me doing it on my own), I did push her out.  She was born 22 hours after my water broke on its own and about 26 hours after we initially went to the hospital.  12:03pm on Sept 28th.  It was an emergency induction that ended up in natural childbirth.  I am so happy for that outcome!  I am so thankful for all the people who helped me do it:  Chris Kelsey, the A-no. 1, Alissa, our doula, Nurse Debbie, Hanna (the med student who was just observing, but who held my hand and my leg in position for three hours while I pushed.  Hanna, I'm going to send a very flattering letter to your advisor, if I can find out your last name and your advisor's name), Nurse Sue, Nurse Candi, Elizabeth, the resident who was an awesome coach through pushing, Dr. Martini, the resident with the heart of gold, Dr. Pate, the "bad cop", and Dr. Merid, the one who made me ultimately get things done by bringing out the catheter at the very end and suggesting I get it, because my bladder was too full and probably making pushing harder.  When I saw the catheter come out, I pushed her out pretty quickly after that!  So, it was the catheter that was my enemy, and I BEAT YOU, you big, dumb catheter!

Pictures will follow soon.  Freya is amazing.  I am so happy to be her mother and we are so happy to give her to the world!  I love you, my sweetest girl!
-your mother.

Is This Right?!

This is Week 36 (now)

This is Week 34

Now I know that these are two different settings, but it sure looks like my stomach got gigantic over the last two weeks!

I am super swelling at this point, and my blood pressure is elevated, but I am not preeclamptic.  So, that is good!  I am hoping that I will not get preeclampsia.  If I do get it, the good news is that I will probably not have to have a c-section just because of that.  They are follwing me weekly now, so they are monitoring it pretty closely, and if I do get preeclampsia, they can induce me instead of doing a c-section.  I am hoping that there will be no need of either, but I would like to avoid a c-section if I can.

How do I feel?  That depends on the day.  The hour.  The minute.  I am tired most of the time, but I feel better at night, usually.  I can't believe how much harder it is to move around.  I've even resorted to using the handicapped stall in the bathroom at work, because it's hard to get off the regular-height toilet!  I teeter between being kind of miserable and totally ready to get Freya out to still having some anxiety about the birth, although that is much less now.  I think I am resigned that whatever will happen will happen, and this pregnancy is wearing me down to the point that I care much less about the actual process than I did before.  I can't wait to see Freya, though! 

Chris and I spend time wondering what she'll look like.  We wonder if she'll be born with a lot of hair and what color it will be, etc. etc.  I know it will take a little time before she will look like herself, but it will be fun to see her in the beginning, too.

Besides having her in the world, the things I am most looking forward to doing after she's born are going for walks, being able to sleep in the bed again (and not on the couch), being able to move about freely, having full use of my hands again (because the swelling will go away eventually), not having to eat Tums several times a day and eating french fries (because I'm trying to avoid salt right now).  Oddly enough, alcohol is not on that list.  I will have some wine or a drink eventually, but I think it will be some time before I do.  Besides, I'll be breastfeeding, so I would need to watch it, anyway.

Okay.  I am pretty tired now, so I am stopping.